I entered the year with less resolutions and more goals. I think when we use the term, "resolution", we set ourselves up for failure because everyone knows that resolutions are meant to be broken. But I refused to be broken.

The easiest goal was the weight loss. I lost about 11 lbs. in 2016, and it was pretty simple. I didn't fall into the trap of crash dieting or silly trends like waist-training. I ate more vegetables, and completely gave up on consuming sugar. My skin cleared up, and my waist started to shrink. I made it a personal note to look at my unclothed body daily, because I could see the lines start to form on my stomach, even though the number on the scale didn't immediately affect that.

I woke up everyday at 5:15AM, and ended up at the gym by my job at 7AM. I spent the first 20 minutes running, and the remainder weight-training either my upper body or lower body. For me, working out wasn't just about being "thin" or fitting into a particular dress. I wanted to be stronger, fitter, and dedicating just an hour to myself almost daily became therapeutic. I spent that time thinking about myself, how to improve and what my goal was, even with something as simple as a bicep curl.

"How can I make this muscle bigger?" "How do I perfect my form?"

I loved watching other women work out because I gained the confidence to also lift heavier weights. There was always something intimidating to me about working out in an area where I was the only female, but I quickly overcame that fear because I just created it in my head. Once I removed myself from the situation I saw that everyone was at the gym with an end goal - to workout and be fit. I had nothing to do with their end goal and with that I continued to work on myself.

Moving Forward in My Career and Becoming my Father

As February approached, I realized I needed to start looking for other jobs. I worked at ITN Networks for almost a year, and I couldn't see myself moving forward in the company. The skill set I had didn't correlate with what my position entailed as an Assistant Media Buyer, but at the same time I was happy with many of the people I worked with.

I tried my best to become close with some of the higher ups. Relationships are key to personal growth and although I didn't necessarily want to BE those I became close to, I needed to emulate some of what they did to move forward. I had some interviews with various news stations in the beginning of the year, but I never made it to the second round of interviews.

The beginning of 2016 was very painful for me because as I didn't receive any calls back from job interviews, and my relationship with my father worsened.

I hadn't spoken to him since 2014, but I did make it a point to help him when he needed it in 2015 when he broke his kneecap. I'd take the bus to his apartment daily to drop off groceries, when at one point I saw some beauty products on his counter that belonged to the mistress he almost left my mother for (my mother kicked him out shortly after learning about the affair, of course). I asked him to remove them when I visited. His response was cursing me out, so the grocery drop-offs ceased. Later my sister went upstairs to drop them off, while I waited downstairs.

Some time in March, he drunk called me and left me a series of voicemails calling me a failure, and a "cunt."

I think his anger stemmed from me consistently calling him out on his wrongs. One of my earliest memories of him was holding a butcher knife to my mom's face, threatening to kill us and traveling back to Bangladesh alone. He said this so often, that at one point I just wished he would do it already.

His infidelity, abuse - both physical and mental, and gambling habits led to the end of our relationship, although many of the skills and interests I have are directly attributed to him.

He was a writer in Bangladesh, and a former journalist for a Bangladeshi newspaper here. He is charismatic, extroverted, and always the center of the party. He was a photographer, an artist, and I mirrored absolutely every skill he has.

I always replayed those voicemails before interviews because I used them to motivate myself to exceed his expectations. In his eyes, and the eyes of many conservative Bengali men I've encountered, my outwardness and strength was defiant to the submissive female trope. I refused to respect a man, kin or not, who treated his loved ones so heinously. Perhaps my upbringing in the "West" contributed to this, but I also contribute my strength to my mom, who also reminded me of the importance of self.

Despite my rocky relationship with him, and beneath layers of anger, I'm still thankful for him. His failures contributed to my character and made me stronger. As long as I don't inherit any of his negative qualities, I should be okay for now.

Dating in 2016

Some things are best left unsaid, but maybe I've found the "one", if the "one" exists of course.

Only time will tell. Get back to me in about 50 years.

Moving Forward in the Face of Love

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Amidst being a part of a friend's wedding, I quickly realized I needed to network more if I wanted to move forward in my career. Tania's wedding was absolutely beautiful, and I was asked to dance at her wedding along with my sister. We spent three weeks finding a song, choreographing our steps and perfecting the dance. Attending the wedding reminded me that perhaps true love exists, I just didn't find it yet.

Instead of focusing on love, I focused on my next job shortly after wedding festivities ended.

In January 2015, I interviewed for a Press Assistant position for NYC Emergency Management. I interviewed with Nancy Silvestri, current Press Secretary for the department.

I prepared for the interview by reviewing all of the different tabs on the website, practically memorizing the biennial reports and even looking up the different names of all of the city representatives (although the latter later proved to be unnecessary).

The interview went well, but I did not get the job. She emailed me back a few months later, explaining that the position was offered to someone else but that she saw me working in government some day.

I remembered that "rejection" email because it gave me the little glimmer of hope I needed. I did not get the job, but there was potential some day. I decided to reach out to Nancy again and ask for advice. I emailed her, asking to get coffee and discuss how to move forward in my career and she accepted.

I got to Caffé Bene 20 minutes earlier and nervously stirred my latte as I waited for her to arrive. This wasn't an interview but I treated it like one because she had interviewed me before. Luckily, once she came in, all was calm and it seemed more like a mentorship than an interview-like discussion.

I can write. I can edit. I can shoot, both photos and video. But none of these skills were applicable to ITN, so I was itching to get out.

Weeks after our coffee meet-up, Nancy reached out and emailed me about a job opening at the department again. I quickly applied and received an email about interviewing the next day.

Getting the Job

There were three rounds of interviews. Before each round, I listened to my father's voicemails because they reminded me that I can be "more", I can do "better."

I lost weight during this time, because for the first time in months, I felt like I was close to getting a position that was perfect for all of the different experiences I had. I knew what it was like to be a Resident Assistant during Hurricane Sandy. I knew about the importance of handing out flood pamphlets in Nassau County when I interned for their Communications Department. I produced my own video when I hosted the Seawolves Food Show. I graduated a year later than all of my friends, and over two years later, I was close to getting something that I had worked hard for so many years.

I broke my phone before that last round of interviews. Interestingly enough, I couldn't hear my dad's voice before I went in. Maybe it was a sign from the Universe that I didn't need to listen to his negativity to motivate myself to do better. I only needed me.

I started as a Communications Specialist for NYC Emergency Management on September 6th.

Looking Ahead

I don't know what's in store for me for 2017. I've tried to focus on simply bettering what I already have - amazing relationships, moving forward in my position and continuing to grow as a person overall. I can only hope to challenge myself and spread love any way I can.

My phone broke again on New Year's this year. I wonder what the Universe is trying to tell me now.